Maternity leave over 💁🏼♀️
Notice handed in at the old job 🙈
Officially jobless – well not really cause being a mum is also a job but you get what I mean!
I literally never slept for weeks wondering how I was going to pay my bills, carry on being self sufficient and not need to rely on John for money when he was out working hard while I was out for lunch or at soft play! Now I know he didn’t mind and he doesn’t mind! But when you have been so used to looking after and providing for yourself and having your own money coming in, to then go to relying on someone else…well it’s hard! It effected me mentally! I wasn’t doing well with it!
New Job – GOT IT!
Well it took me weeks and I mean weeks of applying for the right job that fit around us! When I finally found it I was over the moon….but then when it sunk in, panic set in!
I need childcare, where am I going to get that in the next 4 days! I need to get myself in to a routine! I need to get Grayson in to a new routine! Can I actually do this?
I visited a few nurseries in 2 days, I had a good look around questioned them on everything, and I really liked them! Loved them actually! But for me:
1. I couldn’t afford it! I’d be working for free just to pay for the fees! What’s the point? I’d be aswell staying at home doing it myself since I’m a qualified nursery practitioner anyway!
2. How could I leave my baby with strangers? I’ve been with him every single day, I’ve seen him grow and develop and praise and support him through every single milestone, would these strangers do the same?
I couldn’t do it! I wouldn’t do it! It was a no from me!
I was now on the brink of turning this amazing job down! A job that was flexible, that worked around us, that was just perfect! Someone was finally giving me a chance to be “me” and not mumma for just a few hours a week!
Then along came my mum and sister! My saviours! Between the 3 of us, with 3 different work schedules we sorted out childcare! He is with family! People I know and trust! People I know who will look after him as their own! People who I know will dote on him, love him, support him, protect him when I’m not there! And that made me feel so much better! I felt more relaxed, I wasn’t even nervous to drop him off for the first time and leave him! He was more than happy to stay and let me go and we both adjusted to this new routine so easily!
I’ve now been working for 3 months, don’t get me wrong it has its challenges, it has its hard days, I’m way more tired than I normally would be, I’m still trying to adjust myself to being back to work being a mum and keeping a house! Graysons routine has been easy to keep because my sister and mum keep him on schedule so it makes my life so much easier!
Don’t get me wrong I totally loved being a SAHM, but I lost myself, I felt useless, being a mum 24/7 was hard and I needed to be Emma, even if it is just from a short time a week! I have so much respect for both working and SAHM, but for me work is my saviour, work is my me time!